A Balancing Act

It was eaaarly, folks.

11/12/13. I don't know about you--but there was a different spark in the air. Something lighter, free, positive, fun. It all started reeeaally early this morning at 4:45am, as I prepared for an awesome event for my organization.

And awesome it was--we were able to garner a very generous donation that will greatly impact the folks that we serve in the community.  Helping to facilitate that event and broker that donation was a lot of fun--and super rewarding.  When it was all said and done, I had a huge smile on my face--and it wasn't even 7am!


 With time to kill before the rest of the day began, I headed over to Rhino Coffee for some much needed me time--in the hustle and bustle of everyday, it's so important to make sure that you carve out the time for yourself.  In my quaint usual spot in the coffeehouse (they know me by name), I sat and overlooked the street and bustle outside, had an amazing caramel hot chocolate, and began re-reading a book that I finished ages ago but wanted to re-read: A Return To Love by Marianne Williamson. The basic tenet is that we can all be accepting of miracles in our daily lives by accepting God and by the careful and unadulterated expression of love in our lives daily.  Its focus is really--surprise!--focusing on loving from the depths of who we are and at the center of everything we do.  One of my favorite passages from the book is in the picture, but this one below may be more familiar to you:

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others."

Having this time really fueled me for the rest of the day--but I was equally pleased to catch up with an old friend after work today that I lost a connection with due to the push and pull of life.  He and I talked for a good hour, and really got the chance to catch up on old times and new experiences.  It's so refreshing to know that no matter how busy I am or where my day job takes me, it's never too much to make time to connect with the ones you care about. My 13 hour day paled in comparison to the chance to reengage an old friend.

As I sat and reflected on today's busy happenings, I realized how blessed I am to have so much going on in my life at the same time--and that in order to be fulfilled, we really need to focus on creating lives of balance.  I was recently filling out a questionnaire for a magazine interview, and it asked me what my definition of success was.  When I was younger and a little less self-aware, I was convinced that success surmounted to focusing on my career and hitting the apex at all costs, sacrificing where I needed to to be at the top of my game. Now, a little wiser and more conscious of what brings me peace--I've determined that success comes when you are able to strike a balance between the tenets of your life that are important to you and part of your core.  Blending harmony and well being in your career, spiritual life, and interpersonal relationships is the ultimate measure of success--the love of friends and family and the ability to love THEM, a deep and loving relationship with God, and a love and zeal for what you do day to day. That is success.

So--how successful are you?

Wood, Ribbons, Tacos, Friends, Art--Oh My!

Where else could you have gotten a dose of provocative art, great wares from talented artists, tacos, and great friemds?  I can only speak for Shreveport! This weekend was a wonderful representation of some of the awesome stuff we have to offer here.  I definitely remember a time when weekends left the Port like a ghost town, quiet and quaint as folks hopped in their cars to get to Dallas and New Orleans quick--but the tides are changing, yay!

The creative community in Shreveport is emerging--and emerging strong!  And while I'm not a 'talented' person per say (think Painting with a Twist), I've always been affected by and attuned to art, and been very curious at what informs and inspires folks to create what they do. This weekend did not disappoint!

OBJECT, the latest art exhibition at artspace, was a display of some really cool art by Adam Volker and Joe Bluhm, who are digital artists by day--but decided to take it back to traditional paint and canvas works of everyday objects. So very cool. Two pieces, "Insecurity" and "Inspiration", by Joe Bluhm, really spoke to me (click to enlarge):

There was one piece called "The Price to Create" (not pictured) that was really interesting. There was a male artist, perched at the top of a very high, empty wine bottle, holding a pencil, about to jump in the bottle. Other than a few mysterious scraps of paper at the bottom of the bottle, the bottle looked dark and bleak. Very deep.  If you get the opportunity, check the show out--it runs through January 18th.

This weekend also brought the highly anticipated Texas Avenue Makers Fair--the perfect conglomeration of talent and hipster in one location! Over the past year, I've gotten the chance to expand my friend base and meet some really cool people, many of whom are amazingly talented artists!  This year, the Makers Fair was bigger and better--and I was able to be a shopper and not an honorary vendor, and support these wonderful people. So fun!

We still look the same! :)

And as if the weekend couldn't get any better--it did! SUCH a treat to be able to spend time with my former officemate and favorite person at the Bush School ever--Maggie!  It was so great to catch up on all of the exciting things happening in her life. It's as if we never skipped at beat. And we did some some serious damage to the infamous Don Juanz chips and salsa, too. :)

I keep getting affirmation after affirmation of how blessed I am from the smallest and seemingly insignificant of things.  As I viewed the art on Friday, I found such joy in the piece "Inspiration"--so full of color and life, and buoyant. Now granted, it's my own artistic interpretation, but it was really a relief after viewing the other two--so complex, and dark, and intricate in a burdensome kind of way.  I felt sorry for the man in "Insecurity" who seemed so trapped in his own complicated mind of wood and right angles--of his own making. It became apparent that sometimes, even the most complicated walls and structures that we build inside of ourselves for protection only serve to complicate our lives even further. It's sad to think of all of the things you could be missing out on. Sometimes you have to make the conscious decision just to let go--and turn those wooden frames into colorful ribbons that are free to fly where they may.

The Once and Future--and Ever Present Carpenter.

Y'all, I own a tool belt and tools. I'm blessed that I grew up with an awesome father that strove to make sure we knew our value as women while at the same time, reinforcing our need to be strong and independent. Sometimes that fierce streak of independence is a blessing; other times, it's a curse--especially those times when I take on projects that I really know nothing about AND don't have the patience to complete.

There's this nightstand that I put together incorrectly when I bought it, and it has been crooked since the day I took it out of the box. And lately, it has bothered me. Tremendously.  So last night, I decided to put on my toolbelt, thinking it can't possibly be that hard to take a leg off, reposition it, and screw it back on, right??

I took the leg off, but when I went to reposition, it wouldn't fit--but I realized that I could switch it out with another leg. But once I got that leg off, it wouldn't fit either, so I figured, hey--let's take the other two off and see what happens. One of them had to fit, right??! No. And after making my hands raw trying to unscrew the legs, and breaking a sweat trying to make them fit, I just threw down the screwdriver and sat in the middle of the floor amongst screws, brackets and those annoying little black plastic things--I was tired, y'all.

When I got my senses back, I decided to really look at the darn table to figure out what I was doing wrong--and behold, it appeared that when I put the table together the first time, I used something other than the recommended Allen wrench--and had stripped the holes that each leg fit into.  In order to fix that table, I was going to have to completely take it apart, come up with a way to fix each piece, then put it back together for it to be as good as new. Started to debate chucking the table, but if I wanted that table, that's what I realized I had to do.

And lo, :o), the message became really really clear:

For a good long while, I have been operating from a place of comfort. I started to be ok with not wanting more. God was like, "yeah, NO"--and literally pulled me out of my comfortable place and called my attention to things that He desired me to work on--wanting to take me closer back Him and to rely more on my faith.  So God began to take ME apart. What I was hoping was a minor "repair" has ended up being a total recheck and all points adjustment to every aspect of my life. I've been taken apart, just like the warped table. That adjustment has bled over into my heart, friendships, love, and more. God has begun the different and uncomfortable task of pulling me apart to make me fit into the space destined for me.

Of course, I could continue as I was--"happy", busy, pleasing-- but what purpose does that ultimately serve? Getting by and taking what I was given--when I could do so much better?  No one else may have noticed that my table was crooked--but I knew.  And as soon as I committed to doing the work to fix it, the end result was a better table.

It's the provocative, awesome way that God works.  Though it is different, I am thankful for being pulled apart by God for repair--and I realize that the more you resist to being bent and and broken, the more broken and bent you become! I'm finding that you just can't fit into what He has for you if you refuse the adjustments. His love for all of us is so expansive and I am learning that it will all be worth whatever inconvenience or discomfort to go through this process. He is always healing, repairing and restoring better than before--and I am convinced that what He's building in me is absolutely awesome!!

"I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well. " - Psalm 139:14

I am thankful for the once, future and ever present Carpenter. :)

(And hopefully I don't get in trouble for stealing a song title as my post title--but it worked SO well! :)

He Makes It Brand New.

I'm not a morning person.  Although once I'm up, I'm up--I'm fine with my normal routine of rolling over and hitting snooze nine times before I roll out of bed.  I recently took a good look at my schedule and realized that it was engineered in such a way that never really allowed me to take care of my basic needs--and one thing is for certain--when you aren't good to yourself, you end up compromising your ability to help others.

So this night owl decided to trade in her snooze for sneakers, and I've been going to the gym every morning for 5ish am. Yeah. Let me tell you, that started out as quite the experience.  But surprisingly, I started to really enjoy it!  Once again, a whole new perspective on the world--I could be in the gym and out of the gym before the first rays of sun ever broke the horizon!  So once again, I've become a creature of routine, setting my alarm at the exact minute that I want to get up so that I will have precisely the right amount of time to get up, dress, shower, stretch, and make the 1:30 minute trek to the gym so that I can be done by the proper time and back home to continue the day. Handled.

But yesterday I forgot to set the alarm.
Oh dear.

Get this mental picture--shoes flying, a toothbrush bobbing precariously out of my mouth as I hop around on one foot trying to stretch, and use my other hand to find a ponytail holder for the ponytail I'm late making. Mad dash for the car--oh wait--must go back in for the headphones--mad dash for the car--dang! need the keys with the gym tab--mad dash for the car, and finally we're here.  Must get to treadmill. Must adjust machine speed to account for my tardiness. Must listen to Party Mix to compensate for adjusted speed. I'm tired, and the workout hasn't even begun.  Because the routine had been jilted, my mind began to race about all of the other things that were going on that day that ALL needed my full attention.  As I raced home to prepare for the rest of the day, all seemed chaotic at best until I got to the end of the street and saw this:

I pulled over in my cul-de-sac and took some very deep breaths--and sat there for awhile as I marveled over the absolute astonishing beauty of nature--and God's reminder to us that every day has the potential to be a new, bright, colorful day.

If I hadn't been late-if I hadn't stepped out the routine of my day the way that I planned it, I would have missed what God had planned for me to see. We get so wrapped up in what we think is best for us that we forget to stop and hear and see what God is telling us is best for us. And sometimes, what's best is a simple breath and a simple submission to the fact that we don't have all the answers for ourselves--but that's ok.  It reminds me of one of my favorite scriptures that I learned as a child:

"Don’t fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of God’s wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. It’s wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life." - Philippians 4:6-7

Sunday Revelations

Do you ever find yourself in situations that consistently go contrary to what you had in mind, ALL the time? It's the most frustrating thing ever, especially when you're like me and you plan the time to plan the plan. :)

I've found myself in the weirdest of situations lately, ending up in places I never expected to be at or not ending up at places that I thought I wanted to be, trying things I never thought I'd be interested in, and cultivating relationships with new and old friends that have completely enriched my life in ways that it previously hadn't been before.  I've had several 'aha!' moments this weekend, arising from some of the last places I ever expected. 

As I'm sitting here, thinking about the weekend as it winds down, and reliving some of my experiences through pictures and the like, I realize that a lot of these chance encounters opened the door to a lot of self-revelation. Opening yourself to something new and different from the norm gives you an opportunity not only to see your situations from a different perspective, but it opens you up to the prospect of new and different ways to engage yourself. And here's the best part--when you finally discover who you are and WHOSE you are, you get to travel new and uncertain territory with the certainty that you are not alone--and that just like Deuteronomy 31:8 says, there is truly Someone who has gone before you, paved the way, and has come back to go alongside you. That is comforting, truly.

There are no coincidences in life. It is so neat to see how everything is connected. And this entire weekend, from my own personal revelations and chance encounters, to the awesome person who dropped by the Food Bank to donate hot dogs buns with no idea that was the one item that we absolutely needed, has proven to me that sometimes, we have to just trust the process--and know that if we've truly been led to it, then there will be a great truth that will arise out of it--just like my reading this morning:

"However, when He, the Spirit of truth, has come, He will guide you into all truth; for he will not speak on His own authority, but whatever He hears He will speak; and He will tell you things to come." - John 16:13

Yay for revelations! And on this, the third day of November, I am thankful for the inherent things that God places in us, before we are born, to make us who we are :)

Journey to the center of...the center.

"Love from the center of who you are; don’t fake it. Run for dear life from evil; hold on for dear life to good. Be good friends who love deeply; practice playing second fiddle. Don’t burn out; keep yourselves fueled and aflame. Be alert servants of the Master, cheerfully expectant. Don’t quit in hard times; pray all the harder. Help needy Christians; be inventive in hospitality." - Romans 12:9-13

It seems like common sense, right? Be a good person, do things for others...and everything will be cheerfully wonderful, right? Of course--that's the way I've always lived my life.

And that's why we're here. I've always been a communicator, someone desperately eager to share the random musings of my mind with whatever medium will listen--a sheet of paper, a human ear--because surely everyone wants to hear wonderful, happy entertaining banter, right?

It wasn't until a recent personal experience made me realize that our propensity to inspire others through our voice and be exactly what we are called to be in Paul's letter in Romans 12 is so beaten and diminished when we feel less than our best, or our self esteem takes a hit, or we just feel unloved.  We revert into our quiet places, because we think that our shame resounds louder as a flaw.  That experience, truthfully, has challenged notions and securities and traits in me that I never have had to wrestle with before--or have had the courage to. And it's been extremely uncomfortable at times.

My favorite magnet on the fridge :)

Emerging better is a constant process, but I'm getting to a place where I understand that we are called to be everything that has been laid out for us in that passage--even more so in our personal struggles, because it is then that others are able to see the redeeming grace, providence, and mercy that has been placed in us--things that we aren't capable of authoring ourselves.  In essence, sometimes people need to see the broken, raw, muddied versions of who we can be--so that our eventual renewed, beautiful selves that emerge are even more awe-inspiring and a testimony to Who we really belong to.

I've challenged myself to put aside the complexities of over analyzing myself, yet striving to live a 'self-centered' life--one that is truly focused on loving and doing and being from the center of who I am--that very place in our lives where God resides and where our faith, peace, and hope eternally remain.  It's easier to forget that place is there--and sometimes, even harder to find it when times get rough.

So I invite you to follow me on this honest journey--now, this isn't about to be some Dr. Phil revelation, and I fully expect this to be more entertaining than anything--but I hope that the decision to let people into a more intimate side of who I am helps others to find their honesty, too. :)